This isn’t going to be another “I’m going through the same thing as you are, you’re not alone” crap. This is based entirely on a recent realization of mine.

Almost my entire life, I have searched for one thing. And that one thing is acceptance. I looked for it everywhere. I tried multiple personas to see which one fits me the best. And to tell you the truth not one of them came close to it.

I moved around a lot as a kid, and as doing so I just wanted people to see me for who I was. I transferred to my current high school this year because I realized something about my so called “friends” that I had been denying for a long time.

The way I look at life is like a puzzle. And everywhere you go, and the people in your life(i.e. friends, family, peers, ect.), make up that puzzle of who you are. Now some of you may be thinking that no one makes you be you, except for you. That is true, however, everything that’s happened in your life has helped to shape you into the person you are today.

For me this was a crap load of pain, back stabbing friends, bullies, more moves than I can count, and constant suicide thoughts. Then I came to a realization that because most of these things happened to me by ‘boys’, I was phelophobic, the fear of falling in or being in love. However in recent years I found out, and say proudly, I’m bisexual. So being a phelophobe, and taking my sexuality into account, I pretty much was closed off to everyone.

September of 2013 I entered the doors of my new school, and after a couple of days I found myself forgetting about depression, and not even thinking about suicide. Yes, until I actually made solid friends I was still clinging to my old ones via text messages. But after a while I realized I hadn’t contacted any of my friends from my old school in a long time.

I got involved with a few school activities, made more friends, and built a pretty solid reputation so far.

But something happened today that really made me think like this, and make me want to share with you guys(normally I do not do this, but what the hell?).

As many of you know, today is February 14, Valentines day. And I came to school really early(Mom gave me a ride), so I was in the front lobby of the school, and I was about to head upstairs, and then a girl who was on the rugby team(I went to the first practice cause I wanted to go on the team, if you want to know more about that and my plan, comment about it and I’ll tell you), and she asked me if I was going to the next practice. I explained to her what I was going to do.

She understood and we talked as we walked. And then we got onto different subjects, and this and that. And we had a lot in common.

Well, long story short, I finally realized what I was missing before hand. At my old school, It didn’t fit into my puzzle. Not matter what I tried.

I tried turning it, I tried moving pieces, I tried making my puzzle fit that piece, and NOTHING!!!

The school didn’t fit me, my friends weren’t really compatible with me. And now I’m where I am, and I realize I’m where I belong.

I have friends, I have people I can share deep dark secrets with that I, myself, have been denying, and not get judged for it. I have shoulders to cry on, I have people to lean on. I have almost everything a girl could ever ask for. I mean, they actually listen to me, and we help each other out a lot.

I’m hardly going on 16, and in my puzzle of life so far, I’ve found pieces that can’t hope to fit, pieces that fit too easily, pieces I didn’t want to fit but did. And I have really only one thing to say about it all: my puzzle is still growing, and I don’t know when it’s going to be done, but I do know I’ll be open to every piece that comes in.

So to end this off I’d like to propose a challenge to all of you.

Make a list of everything that’s happened in your life that you think has shaped you to be you. Think of everything, school, friends, family, jobs, ex’s, currents, any experiences you’ve had. Then make them BOLD, type them up in fancy fonts, grab some sharpies, or if you can cut up some magazines. Then make them into a collage, and put it somewhere you’ll see every day. And when you look at it, even if you don’t realize it, it can help you realize the obstacles you’ve over came, the good things you have, and get you looking forward to what might come next.

Don’t stop at just my ideas either, add pictures, make a song, maybe post you collage up as your computer wall paper. But it’s an idea I thought you guys might want for yourselves, I have one of these hanging next to my door too. If you want, send me a pic to my e-mail, I’ll leave it below again.

And please remember something, don’t try and make something fit if it doesn’t feel right.


Celtic R. Singer Chapter 3

Despite the lies that you’re making, your love is mine for the taking, my love is just waiting to turn you’re tears to roses!”

Skillet boomed through my car as I turned the corner of the street. Sam and Dean were back at the motel, turned out we were staying in the exact same one, getting some shut eye. It was my turn for patrol anyways.

Sam offered to go with me just for back up, but I could tell just by looking at him that he was about ten seconds from dropping, but I promised I’d call about 1.

I glanced down at the radio clock as “Whispers in the dark!” started to take over the song.

1:15 am. I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone as pulled up to a red light, I flicked it open, and looked for Sam’s number. I found it just as the light changed.

One ri-

“Cel, is everything okay over there?” He asked anxious.

I pulled the phone back from my ear to make sure I heard him right.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, Sammy.” I told him adding a little bitterness to the last part, “And tell me something, how do you know Bobby’s nick name for me?”

He paused a moment, “I don’t know, I just figured Cel is short for Celtic. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it just took me back for a second.” I told him, “And what are you doing up so early anyways?”

“Waiting for you to call.” He said sadly.

I chuckled lightly on my end, “You don’t have to worry about me, Sam.” I assured him, “I’ve been doing this my entire life.”

“So have Dean and I.” He added.

I nodded, “You know I hate it when people tell me things I already know.”

“Sorry.” He said.

“Stop apologising.” I told him, “Look, Dean’s shift is starting about an hour, you want anything while I’m out?”

I heard him smile on the other end as I pulled into a convenience store, “A coke and lays original chips if you don’t mind.”

I smiled at him, “No trouble, see you later.”

“Yeah, you too.” He said and I hung up.

I jammed my phone into the pocket of my baggy, brown leather jacket along with my fists.

As I walked in I took notice to everyone who was around, the middle aged man at the cashier, two younger guys about my age by the magazine rack, and a small group of girls by the drinks. Other than that I didn’t see anyone, so I pulled my sunglasses off and made my way to the soft drinks.

“Excuse me.” I said and walked into the middle of the group of girls to open the door. I heard one of them scoff and rolled my eyes.

Another reached for my chain leading to my wallet, I dropped Sam’s coke, grabbed he wrist and turned her around so fast her head almost spun. I had the arm she was going to use to pick pocket me against her back, the other one was at her side and I was holding it hard.

“What are you trying to do?” I inquired leaning over shoulder.

“N-nothing.” She squeaked.

“Bull.” I said and pushed her as I let her go.

I grabbed a new coke, and a Dr. Pepper for myself. I hurried to grab lays, Doritos, and a hand full of chocolate bars so I could leave.

I dropped a twenty as the guy bagged it and didn’t look back, I knew it would’ve only come to about twelve something but I didn’t want to see those girls anymore.

But when I got back out to the parking lot, I saw the guys that were at the magazine rack at my car. I mentally scolded myself, I hadn’t even seen them leave.

I attempted to get in without but that didn’t even come close to happening.

“What do you think you were doing with my girl?” One of them asked.

I stared at him coldly, allowing my teal eyes to dig into him.

“Teaching her never to attempt to steal from a chick in a leather jacket.” I told him.

“And if I don’t want to let you go?” He asked stepping forward, his friend, who hadn’t said anything, reached into his pocket.

My instincts told me there wasn’t danger, but keeping my guard up would be good.

“I’ll make you.” I warned, as he stepped closer, his friend in toe.

“I warned you.” I told him and reached into my jacket pocket. His friend quickly pulled out a knife, I smirked evilly at him and pulled out a simple revolver.

The look on those two ‘tough’ guys’ faces were priceless.

“I’ll let you go with a warning.” I told them.

They took off, and I smiled to myself as I got back into my car.

After circling the streets a little more I headed back to the hotel to see Dean pulling out as I came back in.

I waved and he waved back sourly. I shrugged it off and grabbed the bag with food in it before heading into Sam’s room.

I knocked a couple of times and he let me in.

“Hey.” He smiled.

I smiled back, “Hey, found anything to connect the victims?” I asked as I sat the bag down on the table and dug around in it a little.

“Uh, nothing too big, but I think it’s enough.” He admitted.

“Talk.” I said and tossed him a can coke.

He smiled and took a quick sip as he pulled out his computer, “It turned out that all of them had been cheating on their spouse, be her a wife, girlfriend, fiance, what have you. And non of the women knew about the other until their funerals.”

I nodded as I bit into a snickers, “So all these guys are manwhores and dicks, what’s knew about that?” I asked

“I’m not too sure to be perfectly honest.” He told me, “But I know it has to have something to do with the legend.”

I nodded, “Okay, did you research far back enough to find out if any of them share a distant ancestor?” I asked.

He looked away, and then back at me, before sheepishly replying a quiet, “No.”

I grabbed my laptop and got comfy on one of the beds, “You wanna take the first half, and I’ll take the second?” I asked.

He nodded and we set out to work.

Sam’s pov.

It was about one pm or so when Dean came back from his rounds. He came in with two pizza’s in hand and almost slammed the door.

“Dean!” I whisper yelled at him to make him stop.

He did instantly and looked at me weird. I motioned over to his bed, where Celtic lied passed out with her computer next to her. He looked kinda like an angel instead of a rough and tough hunter like she was.

Dean slammed the door anyway. Second the door collided with the frame, Celtic was up with a gun in hand before she sighed and put it away.

Stretching out she said, “Hey, Dean. How was it?” She asked.

“Oh, good.” He said sarcastically, “Even better when I come back and you two are being nerds together, and the only girl I came across so far that’s rejected me, is asleep in my bed!”

She nodded politely, but her eyes were utterly board.

“To be honest, I think you got the better end of the deal.” She told him, “You’re bed is a hell of a lot more comfy then mine.”

Dean looked like he was about to yell at her, and maybe pull a gun. But instead he threw the pizza boxes down on the table and stomped into the bathroom.

Celtic and I locked eyes.

Normal pov.

“Is he mad at me?” I asked Sam when we locked eyes from across the room after Dean locked the bathroom door.

His eyes darted around before they found mine again.

“A little.”

I rolled my eyes, and picked up my computer moving over to the table with Sam.

“I found something interesting last night.” I told him opening a tab.

“What was that?” He asked looking over to my screen.

“Non of the victims had any blood in common,” I told him, “All of them grew up in different towns, had different home lives, were completely different people.”

“Other than cheating.” Sam added.

I nodded, “Other then cheating.” I added as I scrolled down the page, “But all of them had reservation, of the highest kind at this place.”

“Monro’s Marrow?” Sam questioned at he read.

I nodded, “It’s a male’s only club,” I told him, “And this place is sick. Any man that’s starting puberty is allowed in.”

“You’re kidding?” He asked.

“Wish I was, Sammy.” I told him.

“Please don’t call me that.” He asked.

“You aren’t opposed when you’re brother does it.” I said.

“Yeah, but he’s family.” He told me, “It’s different.”

I grinned at him, “Then don’t be callin’ me Cel.”

We shared a light laugh, and then got back into work.

“Essentially we need someone to go in, paying the prettiest of pennies to get a lap dance.” I said.

The bathroom door swung open and there stood, Dean in nothing but a towel with saving cream on half his face, smiling ear to ear.

“You had me at males only.” He said, “What do I gotta do?” He asked almost running forward to me.

“Put some cloths on for one.” I said and turned away, “After that we’ll talk strategy.”