Why do I bother?(A Dagur the Deranged One-Shot)

The door to the hut slammed open to reveal a family in the middle of dinner. The officer marched in towards the table and addressed the black haired girl with her back to the door.

“I beg of you, lady Thora.” He started, “Lord Dagur is in all but a berserk rage right now. If anyone can calm him down, it would be you.”

The brown eyed girl turned her attention to the officer at her side.

“What happened?” She asked with a sigh.

“I’m not sure.” He told her honestly, “He just keeps saying things about a night fury, a hiccup, a brother, and revenge. That’s why we need you.”

Thora sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before looking at her parents.

“Go.” Her mother told her.

Thora nodded and rose from her seat before turning and leaving with the officer.

Thora walked down the hall of the giant building heading for her boyfriend’s room. As she approached the door she heard the distinctive sound of things being thrown and the cursing of a certain red head.

Thora didn’t bother to knock, she carefully opened the door and slid in.

Dagur had his back to her as he was ranting to himself about things that didn’t quiet make sense. Thora went to close the door but a flying ax beat her too it.

Her attention shot from the door to the forest green eyes that were now so close to her.

“Are you here to make a fool of me too?” He seethed.

Thora looked at him like he’d just sprouted another head.

“No.” She said more like a question than a statement, “I came to make sure you weren’t going to hurt yourself or anyone who didn’t deserve it.”

Dagur started to circle her, like a vulture would as it examine its next prey item.

“You don’t have any secrets that could compromise our relationship?” He snarled.

Thora was growing more confused by the moment, “No, I don’t have anything to hide from you.”

“Are you sure?” He demanded and got really in her face, “You aren’t a dragon rider? You don’t have a secret lover? You’re secretly a boy!”

Thora looked completely unamused by all of these accusations.

“Firstly, I want you to know I’m using all of my self-restraint to stop myself from slapping you.” She told him and crossed her arms over her chest, “You know I’m terrified of dragons, if I didn’t want to be with you I wouldn’t. Oh, and haha. I finally grow out of looking like a boy and you accuse me of actually being one. Real mature.”

“So, you don’t have anything to hide?” He asked making sure.

“If this keeps up much longer, the only thing I’m going to hide is a body.” She almost hissed, “Now tell my why you’re so upset.”

So, Dagur sighed as he retold the story of the events that transpired on dragon island.

“Wow.” Thora said when he was finished, a lot of it was still registering with her.

“He was my brother.” Dagur sighed and fell against his bed, “We were supposed to kill the night fury together.”

“I can’t really say I blame him.” Thora said and rubbed the back of her neck.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Dagur accused.

Thora crawled onto the bed and put Dagur’s head in her lap after she removed his helmet.

“I am.” She told him, “But even you have to admit, you wouldn’t have been very accepting of dragons if they right out told you. Even if they didn’t mean it in a way that would be threatening, you would take it as such because of how you are. That’s why I can understand why he didn’t tell you.”

“Anything positive on my side you’d like to say to make me feel better?” He asked sourly.

“You may have lost your brother, but I still love you.” Thora said as she undid his braid and ran her fingers through the red locks.

There was a small pause before Dagur said something.

“I’m not sure if that helps.”

Thora scowled and hit him hard upside the head.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He admitted with a wince.

Thora smiled and gently kissed the area she struck.

“You have to be bipolar.” Dagur concluded as he relaxed in her presence.

“I learned from you.” She said softly.

“Oh, very funny.” Dagur growled, “Very funny, Thora.”

Thora giggled lightly and then leaned down to kiss the deranged boy on the lips.

“You’re gonna what!?” Thora basically yelled as her hammer flew out of her hand and landed ungracefully in a pile of scrap.

Dagur had let his girlfriend in on his plan on how to get back at Hiccup, and needless to say she was shocked.

“One of my men already found a skrill.” Dagur told the wide eyed girl as he dug out her hammer for her, “It’s just a matter of getting it out of the ice and thawing it out.”

“And you think this dragon is just going to obey you all of a sudden?” Thora asked as she firmly put her hands on her hips.

“Oh no.” Dagur said with a smile as he found the hammer, “I think this skrill is going to listen to force, and if not…”

Dagur mumbled the last part.

“I’m going to ask you repeat that and explain it before I hit you with something heavy.” Thora told him. She knew from experience if he was mumbling something when he was declaring something she wasn’t going to like it.

Dagur sighed before repeating, “If not, I still have you to fall back on.”

Thora was completely unamused by this and the look on her face was demanding an explanation.

“You’re really good with animals.” He defended his point, “You always have. You know how to make them feel safe, you have this way with them, and a dragon is an animal.”

Thora put her hand out silently asking for the hammer in his hand.

Dagur handed it over hesitantly, before regretting it instantly. Thora took a heavy swing at Dagur’s head, denting his helmet, forcing him to fall to the ground, and causing a loud clang to echo through out the village.

“You are more than the worlds biggest idiot, Dagur!” She yelled and breathed heavily trying to calm herself down. She threw the hammer down and crossed her arms.

“You know I’m terrified of dragons.”

“I’ll be right next to you the entire time.” Dagur assured as he tried to get up, but failed as his helmet was all twisted. It had taken most of the blow for him, but he was still dizzy.

Thora sighed and pulled his helmet off no problem before hauling him up to his feet.

“No.” She said firmly as she thrusted the helmet back into his hands, “I’ll be here to help you lick your wounds when this fails, but don’t get me involved, my lord.”

“I need you there with me!” Dagur told her.

“And I’m needed here.” She argued back, “I love you, Dagur. I really do, and I want you to know that I’m going to be here for you, but I’m also needed here. What if there’s a dragon attack while I’m gone? The village will most likely die, because Magnus can’t sharpen a butter knife anymore. And-

Thora was cut off by Dagur pulling her into an embrace and planting a kiss on her lips.

“I’ll arrange for a temporary replacement for you while we’re away.” Dagur offered.

“Are we back to saying that my workmanship sucks?” Thora accused.

“Why do you always twist my words?” Dagur demanded.

“It’s fun.” Thora shot back.

The two lovers where at a sand still, each understanding the other’s points but wasn’t willing to budge on their mind sets.

“As much as I love the attention, can you please pry your fingers off me?” Dagur asked the brown eyed girl at his side.

“I wish I could.” Thora told him staring dead ahead of her, “But currently; we are on outcast island, surrounded by outcasts, in an alliance with said outcasts, and there is a large, mean, dangerous, and scary dragon in here, and you’re my only line right now.”

Dagur sighed as he knew, she wasn’t letting him go, and she wasn’t budging from her spot unless she was going the other way. In one swift motion he threw her over his shoulder and advanced towards the dragon.

He stopped next to Alvin and set her down, moving out of her grasp before she could reach out for him. Dagur continued forward to examine the skrill.

“It’s gonna kill you!” Thora called after him.

He just waved it off telling her not to worry.

“You are a beauty aren’t you.” Dagur said to the purple dragon, “You’ll be mine soon.”

“What ever, it’s just a stupid dragon.” Mildew grumbled as he approached the scene, “And you shouldn’t bring a woman for mens’ work!”

“Firstly, Mildew,” Dagur started with his signature deranged grin on his face, “I trust that woman more than my own men, and she’s nothing to sneeze at. Secondly, if you knew anything about this ‘stupid dragon’ you would know not to have him out in this storm.”

“That’s just an old wives tale.” Mildew growled.

Just then a lightning bolt struck down on the dragon, causing the old man to get struck by a bolt that jumped and the girl to flinch.

“I love it when I’m right.” Dagur sang as he made his way over to Alvin and his girlfriend.

“Now,” Dagur said to Alvin as he threw the black haired girl over his shoulder again, “Let’s talk strategy.”

“You don’t have to pick me up to leave you know!” Thora snapped at the red head.

“But I like to.” Dagur said slyly as they left the arena.

Thora watched the battle plans unfold. Dagur wouldn’t help defeat Berk until he had the skrill and Alvin wouldn’t give him the skrill until he had Berk.

Thora had the surest feeling in her stomach that they were going to double cross each other, but she kept her mouth shut.

The two were going back and forth for a few minutes, until something reached Thora’s ears.

“Oh no.” She said to herself.

It must have reached the rest of the table too.

“Who’s smacking their food?! I hate it when people smack their food, my father used to do that.” Dagur demanded and scanned the room before his eyes fell on a boy with long blonde hair and a horned helmet.

“Heh, sorry.” He said, “I hate it when my mouth does that. Cut it out mouth! Shut up nose! They don’t like each other.”

Dagur was on him in a second, ax against him throat, demanding who he was and what he was doing.

“I’m Buffnut! The Berserker!” The blonde exclaimed, “The big BB.”

“You’re one of my men?” Dagur asked, “And what were you doing Buffnut?”

“I was composing a poem of your greatness!” He declared, “It’s exhausting work, you need to eat every six lines or so.”

Dagur looked back at Thora wondering if it was true.

“I know weapons.” She told him, “Don’t come to me about that kind of stuff.”

“Alright.” Dagur said as he turned his attention back to Buffnut, “Let’s hear the poem. And if I like it I’ll let you keep your legs.”

“Kinda need those.” Buffnut muttered.

Then he recited the strangest poem Thora had ever heard. She hadn’t heard many in her life, but it was strange in comparison.

“I will go a skrilling.” Dagur thought for a moment, “I like it! You can keep your legs, in fact, yak ribs and burly cakes for my friend Buffnut! But no smacking! I hate, hate smacking!”

And for most of that evening Buffnut had entertained the dining room with jokes and songs.

“Dag, I got a bad feeling about this.” Thora told the red head as they sailed away from outcast island.

“You’re just saying that because there’s a dragon a board.” Dagur replied to the anxious girl.

“No.” She countered, “And it’s not because you wanted to use me as a lure either.”

“Relax Thora, I’m here.” Dagur assured her as he went to the stern.

Thora stared up uneasily at the purple dragon over head. She didn’t like it one bit.

“Where do you think you’re going Dagur?” Alvin demanded.

“I go where I want, Alvin.” Dagur called back.

“Not with our skrill you don’t!”

“Your skrill?” Dagur asked, “It was never your skrill! It’s on my belt buckle, on my sail, and my shields. The skrill is mine!”

“We had a deal!” Alvin yelled.

“Yeah, I changed my mind.” Dagur told him.

Alvin boarded the ship and started fight Dagur. Dagur lost his ax in the brawl, then jumped over Alvin to get to the skrill. When Dagur had the ropes in his hands, Alvin lunged forward and grabbed the girl who watched the battle as she leaned against the mast.

“You wouldn’t hurt me when I’m holding your precise little girlfriend.” Alvin dared.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” Dagur told him coldly, “Because I’d like to see how she hurts you.”

Alvin opened his mouth to questioned the deranged man before him, only to let a yelp escape his throat as Thora sunk her teeth into the hand he used to hold her. She grabbed his other hand that held the sword and pulled his thumb back, dislocating it. While he was distracted with that, Thora kicked him in the knee with her heel, and then again in the groin. In his agony, Thora ripped the sword from his hand and hit him in the cheek bone with the hilt sending him staggering back towards the rail of the ship.

Alvin looked at the girl who was now standing across from him with his sword in her hands. She spat out blood, his blood, and didn’t bother to wipe her mouth as she stared him down.

“I told you.” Dagur said smugly to the outcast, “That woman isn’t just one of the best black smiths in the Archipelago, but she knows how to use any weapon to her advantage, as well as get out of just about any hold.”

“Broke your arm once getting out of a noogie.” Thora spat.

“Details.” Dagur sang as he turned his attention back to Alvin, “Now it’s time for you to run.”

Dagur sent out a couple of electric attacks at Alvin, before Alvin dove into the water for an escape. His men came rampaging onto the berserker boat shortly after.

Dagur made a deal with them, either follow him or join Alvin. Needless to say they all decided to follow him.

“Dagur, the armada is ready to sail.” Savage said as he came up to the red head.

“excellent.” Dagur chuckled, “Now I can lure Hiccup and his night fury to battle.”

“Why wait? I’m right here.”

Both men looked up to see Hiccup hovering above them on his dragon.

“Right here, right now. You and me.” Hiccup offered.

“Sir don’t listen to him-

“Then listen to me,” Thora cut in, “Don’t talk him out of it, the kid’s poking at his pride. And he’ll protect it to the end.”

“Alright!” Dagur shouted and jumped from the dock onto the deck and grabbed the ropes holding the skrill, “You and your night fury vs me and my skrill. I like those odds.”

Dagur went off after the brunette and the black dragon, as the brown eyed girl on the dock watched them without emotion.

Dagur slinked back to the ships grumbling curses under his breath.

“Did you get him?” Someone behind him asked.

Dagur whipped around and yelled.

“Ooga blargin kerker blowger florgin bloostin!”

Thora bit her lip to stop from giggling.

“It’s okay.” She told the red head with a genuine smile and as she walked up to him and wrapped an arm around his waist to lead him back to the ship, “I’ll help you lick your wounds and plan your revenge.” Thora smiled as she leaned her head on Dagur’s shoulder, “Just no more dragons.”

 

 

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